19 Things Elders Have Learned – Humor

19 Things Elders Have Learned

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. A person, who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
12. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
13. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
14. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
15. 7People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
16. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
17. Never lick a steak knife.
18. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
19. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are above average drivers.